It's Three O'Clock In The Morning, And The Phone Is Ringing In The White House...

And you've watched the stability of the world be piddled away by an apologetic liberal rhetoric that borders on insanity tinged with a cocktail of Prozac and LSD. You've allowed four major breaches of the United States' security leading to more than a dozen dead Americans, and you have played the fiddle in the White House with Paul McCartney  singing "Hey, Jude", while the stability of the whole world that relies on American strength loses confidence in your ability to stand up to evil and begins to stand for themselves against aggressors that you did not have the guts to confront. Your policy of appeasement toward the thugs of the world have made every minor player in the world bold to do whatever they want, and at least two of those criminals have or shortly will have nuclear weapons. Your inability to take care of what should have been a relatively minor problem of a little Gulf Coast oil leak has become a total public relations disaster and a six year old can derail people's confidence in your immigration policy by simply asking your wife about it in public. Your announcement of a financial recovery was 1,100 points up on the DOW ago, and most of the young people you used to get you elected  are just hoping for a job opening waiting tables, because they are one of three hundred people per opening that are applying. That message you have been avoiding answering on your Blackberry is from the Congressional Budget Office giving you the news that your greatest success will cost the people of the US trillions more than you told them, four revisions of facts ago. You finally get the guts to answer the phone:
"This is the President."
"Is this Mr. Obama?"
"Yes. Is there something going on?"
"Yeah! This is John McCain, remember me?"
"John, are you calling again? I told you to stop this, it scares the crap out of me!"
"Heh, heh, heh, heh! I told you you weren't ready for this! Man, am I glad I don't have your job right now! Having trouble sleeping, Mr. President? You've only been in this job a year and a half and I spent seven years in the Hanoi Hilton and slept like a baby every night. Hey, just take some more Xanax and another Ambien and roll over and go to sleep. I'll take care of America while you're asleep, Mr. President."
Very funny, John. Very funny."